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ALONE  BUT  NOT  ALONE

There's really no reason to quote scripture here. All I need to say is we're not alone. No, I'm not referring to any science fiction unreality or the scientific research into life on other planets. I'm also not defining "not alone" in the human perspective of the millions of other human beings who inhabit this planet. If I want complete solitude I can hike deep within the most pristine forest or solo climb the most inhospitable mountain peak. In either case, I still wouldn't be utterly and completely alone. Today, as I sit in front of my computer, I realize the truth of being alone but not alone. Yesterday or the day before, or perhaps years ago (it doesn't really matter), I couldn't be so sure.      I spend a lot of time alone, not because I don't like being around other people, but more because of a choice I make concerning my lifestyle. My main socializing is done the night of my bowling league. The rest of my time is generally spent at home in the company of my two cats. I don't enjoy the bar scene, I hate shopping without a purpose, I can't sit still long enough to a enjoy a movie at a theater, and I won't join a club that's so specialized it leads to boredom.      Now you're wondering why I didn't mention church or a Bible study group. You may or may not understand my explanation - God hasn't led me to a church. A lot of people have told me to just go to different churches until I find the right one. My reason is because I have enough faith in the guidance of the Holy Spirit that I'll know when and where. By that same guidance, I know that God accepts me as I am and where I worship (my home). If you've read some of my other pages you probably came to the conclusion that I have some issues with the church or churches. That would be an accurate picture. This is exactly where I began knowing, or least feeling, that I was alone but not alone.      Every time I get into a discussion about personal beliefs, I seem to get highly negative responses. What seemed to bother me most was that it seemed that both believers and non-believers alike couldn't understand me. I began to question whether it was my style of writing, the concepts in general, or the teachings of the Bible that were being misunderstood. Or was what I was saying being understood and just no one else agreed with me? Everyone is free to believe whatever they see as truth and practice their religion according to their chosen denomination. I don't know who said it, but I began to feel like "a rock unto myself". I became a Christian labeled as "un-Christian". I even joked that in that case, I choose not to use the descriptive title of Christian at all. Even though I said it as a joke, it really hurt. I tried to figure out how a person could have Jesus in their life and not be a Christian. Well, it's very simple. The word "Christian" is a title and nothing more.      Have you ever felt such profound faith in God's truth that you've cried? Not just a few tears of joy because of his mercy and grace or tears of sorrow for the scene of the crucifixion. I'm speaking here of crying so hard you shake, can't stand up, and get sick. I'm talking about hard enough to knock you to your knees. That's what happened to me one night. If I hadn't already been sitting down, I would've fallen flat on my face. It could be said in way of testimony, this is the first time in my life I've been so moved by the Holy Spirit to cry so hard because misunderstanding of God's word by his true followers. Someone had accused me of thinking I was in some way "the only person who could state God's truth". That isn't what hurt. What hurt was that I felt so alone (apart from other humans) in my walk with God.      I'm far from calling myself a fundamentalist, but I do believe the Holy Bible is the inspired word of God. Most Christians will whole-heartedly agree. I also believe that the dogma created by man and not Biblically-based are not inspired by God. That very night, the night when I cried so hard, I prayed even harder. I didn't ask to be justified in my beliefs, I didn't demand proof that I was correct, and I didn't ask that everyone be led to believe as I do. I humbly ask that God send the Holy Spirit to guide me in the knowledge of his truth and to let me know whether I was right or wrong.      Did I receive an answer? YES! Some people have told me they've actually heard God talk to them. I can't say that I've ever heard his voice. With me, it's a feeling I get, one that I can't describe. This feeling is accompanied by an event, usually within a few days, that I know is an answer to my prayer. I was led to internet websites of like-minded Christians. That was to let me know that I wasn't without human fellowship. But more important was that feeling. Not an hour after praying, the Spirit let me know that I was in accordance with God's truth.      The greatest lesson I learned from this experience I now share with you. It doesn't matter if you have no friends at all. It doesn't matter if you choose to live a life of seclusion. It doesn't matter if you're homebound because of ill health or the limitations of old age. Even in the deepest, darkest moments of your life, when you think you're all alone, you're never completely alone. God is always with you.